Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
