she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
