My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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