When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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