She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Michael Bay diarrhea
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
