Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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