Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
