I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
