Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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