i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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