FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
should my penis look like a turkey
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
