her vagine was all disorganized.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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