Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
