Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
