I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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