I've blown a few things in my day
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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