Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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