I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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