I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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