Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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