update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
