PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize