I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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