I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
