is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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