Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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