If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
