In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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