he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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