I think my fart just growled at me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
