there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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