Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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