I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
