We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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