Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
