Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
