tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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