When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
