Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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