Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
