Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
