Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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