I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize