Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
