My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize