where am i from again
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
