ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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