Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
