I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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