I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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