I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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