Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
