Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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