Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
