I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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