I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
