when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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