I'm going to jail i love you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
