I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
