Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
