They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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